Watching Time Pass Me Bi: The Beginning

Hi and thanks to all reading!

This is my first post, so i thought I would 'keep it real' so to speak (do a quick lol if you want). It sounds a slight contradiction but I would like to keep quite anonymous due to my sexuality, I am a 'real' Bi-sexual just coming to terms with it after years (I am 22). The reason for the inverted commas is due to a lot of speculation from the Gay community, as well as the Straight as to whether they do exist.

I can tell you now from my own emotions and attraction that there is! It angers me to think how people can ask such a question, its just ignorance!

Anyway ...

I took a trip to Amsterdam earlier last year, and said to friends I was going back to the hotel to get ready and possibly meet a 'Lady of the night' so to speak, (I am young and single so I thought why not) and then met them later at a club we visited the night before. Doing research prior to this I was also aware of the great LGBTQ (yes I am aware of the Q at the end) scene they have.

After my 20 minutes of passion (thats how long it was for 50 euro's) I was off to a Gay club

called .....

FUXX

(you must be dumb or straight to not no if this was a cruising bar or not),

and hooked up with a hot Swedish lad, and then had to dash to the other club to find the lads, stoned and not moved all night (typical weed heads).

This is my point, as there have been moments in my life, where I have been so down because of what path to take in life. I could have a wife and kids but I could still picture myself with a man, and if i chose one, how do i know i would not want the other? This causes me a lot of stress and anxiety, I would just like people, Gay or Straight to be aware of how us Bisexual's feel. After all your sexuality is a big part of your life.

Sigmund Freud came up with the theory that we are all Bi-sexual, but through psychological development it remains in a latent state, so as you can imagine with all these theories along with society's reluctance to accept, it can make you feel lonely and confused to say the least (pops a couple Xanax to keep calm).

Now I'm not saying this for pity nor sympathy, maybe even just a way of me letting it all out but i think the expression, 'The grass is greener on the other side' is very relate-able to us Bisexuals and sometimes I wish I was, either/or to make my direction and future clearer.

I am out to my Family (Mum, Dad and Sister) but not fully out to friends and have Gay friends as well as Straight friends, my straight friends do not have a clue! I tend to see them separate, which may sound deceitful but i am really not ready for that step in my life, and my Straight friends think I am also 'Straight' which kind of helps being Bi as you can still appreciate the beauty of a Woman (as well as a Man) whilst they chat about girls.

Now I don't know if I'm the only one but i have researched a lot on the LGBTQ community since coming out, probably because I am now apart of our community. Feels really good to read that back (inserts smiley).

But i have certainly looked into the mental health issues with Bisexuals and Gay people, and as suspected, Bisexuals have the most problems (See link below).

.....

http://suegeorgewrites.blogspot.com/2006/10/day-today.html
Great article about Bisexual Mental Health and from Sue George who runs a Bisexual Blog

As Sue says in the Blog there is a lot more help out there now a days for us, I'm not going to lie though Alcohol (sometimes drugs) has played a big part in numbing the pain which i am now realizing only prolongs the shitty feelings we endure. Psychologically I no I have a long way to go but I am now ready for the journey.

I suppose it doesn't help when my ex (who was a girl), I confided in her one night that I was Bi, as we had a really good relationship (until this point), and every argument there after would be an onslaught of 'queer' and 'go fuck your bum boys' as you can imagine a punch to the face would have been more welcoming than that foul ignorance.

But when your sat at your laptop at 3:18am in the morning, delving into the deepest parts of your mind wondering, is the pain really worth it? I know one day that I will find a beautiful Man or Woman and live my life how it should be. It could maybe even said that us Bi's also Pansexuals for that matter, see no gender. I no i don't! (Inserts a big smiley)

I would be lying if I said it might get worse before it gets better, but someday I'll be screaming at a Pride event ...